Trusting My Ears

We had our piano tuned in November. When the girls come home, they enjoy playing some of their favorite songs as well as Christmas music and complain if the piano hasn’t been tuned, so this year I did manage to get the tuning scheduled and done.

While trimming the Christmas tree, I started thinking about the Christmas concert at the high school and the tradition they have carried out for many years of singing “Beautiful Savior” to close the concert. They invite choir alumni on stage to sing this hymn with the present choir and then the audience is invited to join in for the final verse.

I was never a soloist, but I participated in choir at high school and church through my junior year. Now with my cochlear implants, I have been trying to listen to my own voice and get the confidence back to sing. Since the piano had recently been tuned, I decided to pick out the melody of “Beautiful Savior” and try matching my voice to the notes. My thoughts were, “My piano is in tune, my hearing is great with my cochlear implants, this should work.”

As I picked my way through the first verse, I felt I was doing pretty good at matching my voice to the notes, but it sounded a bit off. I stopped singing and played the melody one note at a time and one spot sounded off to me, so I played the top two notes at a time, still off. Because I was unsure if I could trust my digital ears to be an accurate judge of whether or not a piano is in tune, I asked my husband when he came home to listen to the notes I was playing and tell me what he thought. To my surprise he said, “Yep, that one note sounds like it could be a little off.”

I emailed our piano tuner and he said he would come back and check it out. Our piano was Paul’s mother’s and is quite old. This piano has not been tuned regularly in the past ten years so it is not unusual for the tuning not to hold. The piano tuner came back, made some adjustments and now it sounds as good as the old piano can.

I have known for a while now that I would prefer a new digital piano and someday I hope to have one. From this old piano I learned that my new hearing is pretty awesome and I can trust what I think I hear. I remember the notes and how they are suppose to sound and my brain sings in tune. Now if my ears and my brain and my voice would all work together - maybe I could be that soloist I have always wanted to be. (*Dream*)

Beautiful Blogger Award

Beautiful Blogger Award & Nominations!

Speak Up Librarian nominated me for this award and I am honored. Thank you Speak Up Librarian.

Now here's my job:
The rules:
1) Thank the person who nominated me for this award.
2) Copy the award & place it on my blog.
3) Link to the person who nominated me for this award.
4) Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
5) Nominate 7 bloggers.
6) Post links to the 7 blogs I nominate.

Okay, here we go. I may be repeating some nominations, but it can't be helped.

(1) Speak Up Librarian - It is always a joy to read her reviews of books or television shows, check out her pictures and share her thoughts about the challenges of being hearing impaired.

(2) Mog Renewed - Has shared her journey from choosing to get a cochlear implant, waiting for the day and now discovering the sound it brings her. She punctuates this with delightful pictures and ancedotes.

(3) Jelly - You know you will get cupcakes, but the variety is a constant surprise!

(4) My CI is Amazing - A friend that I met on another forum, she shares her experience and offers her caring support to others with the same hearing challenges.

(5) Laura's Medical Journey - Another brave woman facing challenges with a great attitude and sense of humor.

(6) Surround Sound - A cochlear implant user and busy Mom that shares her hearing experiences and supports others in their hearing journeys.

(7) Elliott's Journey - Ellliott's mom does a great job of sharing their journey as her adorable son learns and lives life with his cochlear implants.

"Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself"

Interesting, hhmmm, is that one of those things that's in the eyes of the beholder?

(1) I was a Brownie, then a Girl Scout and finally a Cadet.

(2) I sang in the church and school choirs until my last year in high school when I failed to make the Concert Choir.

(3) I wanted to be a Wave in the Navy, but by the age of 18 my hearing loss had progressed to the point where I couldn't pass the physical.

(4) I had a motorcycle when I was 19.

(5) After a van hit me when I was driving my motorcycle, I traded it in for a Fiat X19 (2 seater sports car) - I loved that car!

(6) From the time I started thinking I would be a mother someday, I always knew I would have three girls. I just knew.

(7) The man I married was my kindergarten sweetheart. He kissed me at the drinking fountain and I told the teacher!

Christmas Preparations

The Christmas lights keep blowing fuses
The house is a dusty mess
Even if I’m weary
I will not take any rest

I must power clean and decorate
The house is waiting for me
To give it shine and polish
And the glow of a Christmas tree

Christmas Day is coming
And I certainly won’t be bored
With lots of family here
To celebrate the birth of our Lord.

Young and old will gather
In the largest room
We will remember the birth of Jesus
This day is coming soon

So I begin my preparations
In anticipation of the fun
To celebrate His coming
The Truth, the Light, The One.

Thanksgiving

I have been trying for several days to put into words

The thankfulness I feel, for all that I have heard

The words keep escaping me

They never seem enough

So it seemed there was only one thing left

A picture of my cup.

This Is Who I Am

Sometimes a dream can seem so real that when you wake up you wonder if it happened. I had a dream like that last night and what I dreamt is impossible, but it seemed so real. I dreamt that my husband was leaving for work, on his way down the stair he said over his shoulder, “Good-bye,” and I responded, “Good-bye,” and then it hit me, I didn’t have my processors on. I said, “I heard that!” and Paul, knowing that I wasn’t hooked up, turned right around and came back upstairs. He was talking to me and I was repeating back to him what he was saying almost word for word. I would miss one now and then, but still we were thinking how could this be? 

After I was completely awake and thinking about this dream I realized it was like dreams I had after I quit smoking. I would dream that I smoked and then in the morning wonder if I did. I didn’t want to start again so I would be relieved that it was just a dream. I guess we dream about what we miss and I think I was missing those spontaneous moments that happen at the beginning or end of the day when I might not have my hearing prothesis on.

This dream surprised me and it feels like it came at an odd time. On the last Saturday we spent at our cabin before closing it up for the winter season, I felt like I had crossed a threshold. I got up that morning and Paul was preparing to take the boat to the storage place. He indicated that he was leaving and I knew I had at least an hour to myself. My normal routine in the morning is to get ready for the day and get my hearing on first thing. On this particular morning, knowing I didn’t need to communicate with anyone for awhile, I decided to relax in my comfortable pajamas, and linger over breakfast and coffee while I enjoyed the vision of the lake outside my window. Sitting in the silence, I came to realize that I have finally found peace with my deafness. 

It is okay. This is who I am.

I am a woman who puts on her hearing in the morning

and takes it off at night. 

I am a woman who sleeps in total silence

and wakes to the morning light. 

When I look out the window to see what kind of day it will be, 

I may notice the birds in the branches of a nearby tree.

I need not wonder if they are chirping or singing a song,

even though I knew their silence many years long.

It is now in my blessings a matter of choice,

If I want to hear birdsongs or the beautiful human voice.

The sounds of life are mine to have no matter the place,

And the silence is mine to choose, to reject or embrace.

A Gutsy Girl

I first met Kristin on Hearing Journey. Today her cochlear implant is being activated. Kristin's road to this day has been bumpy due to other health issues and she has hurdled or gone around every road block. To read her story go to The Telegraph Hearing Blog.

Choosing a Cochlear Implant

You are at a point in your life where you have to make a life altering decision and choose a cochlear implant either for yourself or your child. Where do you start?

I had to make that decision eight years ago. After going through all the testing and qualifying for the cochlear implant, the audiologist gave me all the brochures he had from each of the companies and answered the questions I had that day. An appointment was then scheduled with a surgeon.

While the surgeon was willing to answer any questions l had about each appliance, he would not advise me in a way that indicated any favoritism of one company’s product over another’s. We picked the date for the surgery and then he said, “You will have to let us know which implant you want two weeks before the surgery.”  

Whether they realized it or not, both the audiologist and the surgeon gave me body language clues as to which product they thought was the best at the time. Since I was good at reading visual communication due to my hearing loss, those clues did not get past me.

Armed with my brochures, the answers I got from my audiologist and surgeon, I went home to read and discuss with my husband which implant to choose.

Eight years ago, that is what I had to work with to make my decision. I had to rely on the integrity of the companies whose brochures were going to tell me all about their cochlear implant. I knew what was most important to me and I was able to figure out which implant I wanted. I know I made the right decision and I am very happy with my cochlear implants and the company that makes them.

In the time that has passed since I had to choose a cochlear implant, independent studies have taken place and now a person trying to figure out which cochlear implant to choose has more information available to them when making their decision. The key here is to make sure you have an independent report and not a report that has been construed to favor a company that didn’t do well in the study.

Advanced Bionics made my cochlear implants. I received my first one in 2001 and had the other side done in 2007. The number one thing on my list when I was choosing my first implant was the ability to upgrade without surgery; to have an implant with internal technology that would grow with the science and that is what I have. There is six years between my two implants and I have modern cutting-edge technology on both sides and love the hearing I get with my two implants. My older implant was able to upgrade to the technology I was getting with my newer model on the other side. How great is that? 

For anyone making the decision today, it is still a difficult decision with even more information to peruse. As I learn more about the technology and advances, I know that Advanced Bionics would still be my choice today.

For more study reports and technical information, click here.